What Means Confidence?

People often tell me I look calm, collected, and confident. How I learned to look this way I have no idea. I tell my boss that I feel stressed out and I am told in response that I must handle things beautifully.

I am an unintentional master of disguise. In reality, it makes me wonder if other people have hidden emotions they just never express. It makes me wonder if the people who seem to be struggling a bit are literally ripping apart at the seams on the inside.

To me, a confident woman is someone who knows exactly who she is, where she is going, and acts as such. I often question who I am, have no idea where I am going, and I feel like I act like a doofus at least 70% of the time. One of my other worries is that "confident" is codeword for "conceit." I wonder if I talk or act like I have a superiority complex. These are the things that people would never say to your face but truly think about you.

I just wish everyone would be honest. I wish I could post on my real blog about all of my concerns, about sex, about love, about doubt, and about my life unhindered and unembellished. Like I used to, without hidden identities. Maybe I should. But then again, I only appear confident.