SaraNay

I finally up and decided to make this blog public. That is to say, I made most of my entries viewable only by me, haha! If y'all remember, I talked about opening up a secret blog somewhere because I had things to blog about that I didn't want to share but still wanted public. So I did, and I got it out of my system, and now I have a Vox! Yay!

Plus I also realized that this could be a second PPP blog eventually. Perhaps. I like the idea of keeping up with PPP when I go back to work. It's done on my terms and I can't have a second real job with my job, so, this sounds like a good option.

So welcome to my Vox!

I totally already forgot about Vox. I got some of my feelings out and now I have no use for it anymore, haha. Today is craziness. Right now it's snowing, earlier it was thundering WHILE it was snowing. So much for spring, ay? I'm just waiting for the proposed 8 inches. The stupid freshmen are convinced that it IS spring and that this is the last winter storm. HA! Just wait for the blizzard of finals week. It's inevitable. I mean, just a couple years ago there was a blizzard in June, what do they expect?

There are five weeks left of school, and five papers to write, one of which is 20 pages long. I am making sure that I get started on all of them, and get them out of the way so I can focus on other stuff. So far? No words written. I am NOT excited for this. Not to mention that I probably have like four tests or so. Then finals.

Then I am FREE!

My fiance and I bought Children of Men and The Pursuit of Happyness yesterday. I highly recommend both and EVERYONE should see them. Maybe even one after the other because the first is depressing, haha.

What, to you, is the first sign of spring? Have you seen it yet?
Submitted by Spy.

The first sign of spring for me is definitely buds on trees and greening grass. We have some grass sprouting out, but no tree buds yet. YAY high elevation! We will probably get another couple freezes before semester's end. I'm used to it, though, no big deal. It is lovely out, though.

What were you doing one year ago today?
Submitted by CassandraMorgan.

Luckily, I blogged one year ago today. It was the first day of classes after spring break, and there had been a blizzard. I drove back to campus in it the day before, yeah, I'm awesome like that. Snow rules.

I had skipped my classes for that day since one of them got canceled (woot). I was also reading Plato's Meno for my Greek Philosophy course. That class also ruled, I miss it insanely.

Oh, and I was also making a new website layout. Gah, last year was so lazy!

It's official: One year and Three months until I turn 21. I'm not a humongo fan of alcohol, but I am a fan of rights, and justifiably so. I hate being told I am irresponsible. Of course, when I am 21 and I look back at 19-year-olds, odds are good that I might feel differently. However, right now I would love to be able to be at the bar with my fiance and my coworkers. I am actually the youngest on staff, and it is far from fun.

My RA partner turned 21 this week, so it's important that my fiance and I are the ones to introduce him to alcohol. Someone he trusts, someone he can have good conversations with, for a positive first experience. I know he debates himself about drinking, and I think that a safe environment is just what he needs. Someone to watch your back, y'know? I know with 100% certainty that I never would have drank in college if I didn't have trustworthy friends to take care of me.

Maybe that's one of those fears of sexual abuse coming to the surface, but really, if I am impaired I want a chaperon. Hah. I did get to go to an Irish grub n' pub for dinner, which was nice. Now I'm stuck on the intarweb until the crew decides they've had enough.

I just hope they take care of my friend, I really do. I know Dan will but I am afraid about the other people who are probably at the bar.

Gah, what I wouldn't give to enjoy some night life. Even if it's just playing pool - is that so much to ask? Grah. Instead I'm stuck in an apartment with a grumbly tum. It's all good though, one of my tests is now due on Wednesday instead of Monday, so I am going to soak up the glory with that. YAY more time and extended deadlines!

I accidentally fell asleep at my fiance's apartment again. We have a curfew for my job of 2 AM. I never really did well with curfew, and still don't apparently. I slept for an hour for each shot I took last night. Four hours. YAY headache!

The alcohol seriously did not affect me at all tonight though. So crazy. Ah, well, at least I could consciously watch Casino Royale and talk with my love. It's so good to cuddle with him, ah, so amazing.

Goodnight!

I'm just sitting here trying to waste time until 5 PM comes around. After that, I have the key to do free laundry. What does this mean? It means CLEAN sheets, blankets, and comforters! Huzzah! I simply can. not. wait. until I have access to my own washer and dryer. Someday, if only in my dreams.

Yesterday my fiance and I went out for a drive in the middle of nowhere. I saw at least four packs of deer and antelope (two of each), and hopefully got some decent pictures. It's all a matter of taking the time to upload them.

Time to listen to some Blink-182 and maybe read some more of my Dorm Room Feng Shui book. It has some good tips, even if it is pretty loony.

What's the story behind a time when you got locked out?

My parents pretty much never lock our house, so I'd never encountered having to have keys until college. My dad has a tendency to start my car with the door open, then close the door. This is unfortunate because it automatically locks when you start it, so, yeah, that is what spare keys are for.

Other than that, every time I forget my card at the dorms they can buzz you in, so no worries there either. *phew*

People often tell me I look calm, collected, and confident. How I learned to look this way I have no idea. I tell my boss that I feel stressed out and I am told in response that I must handle things beautifully.

I am an unintentional master of disguise. In reality, it makes me wonder if other people have hidden emotions they just never express. It makes me wonder if the people who seem to be struggling a bit are literally ripping apart at the seams on the inside.

To me, a confident woman is someone who knows exactly who she is, where she is going, and acts as such. I often question who I am, have no idea where I am going, and I feel like I act like a doofus at least 70% of the time. One of my other worries is that "confident" is codeword for "conceit." I wonder if I talk or act like I have a superiority complex. These are the things that people would never say to your face but truly think about you.

I just wish everyone would be honest. I wish I could post on my real blog about all of my concerns, about sex, about love, about doubt, and about my life unhindered and unembellished. Like I used to, without hidden identities. Maybe I should. But then again, I only appear confident.